7 Things I Wish I Knew Sooner About Living Authentically (And Still Remind Myself Of)…

When I began my journey to live with authenticity & embody my true self, I was met with paralyzing resistance.

You see, for much of my life, I relied on others to define my worth - my go-to patterns of people pleasing, perfectionism, lack of boundaries & spreading myself too thin due to fear of rejection navigated just about every decision I made.

So, as you could imagine, these go-to patterns pushed against my desire to embody my truth in a big way.

But as I continued my journey of self-discovery & exploration, I came to a realization: The very patterns I found myself falling into in an attempt to keep myself safe from rejection were creating subsequent patterns - feelings of resentment, anger issues, lashing out and feelings of shame for example - that resulted in the very outcome I was trying to protect myself from.

The more I fell into these patterns, not only was I losing (or rather, burying) my true self more and more, but I was also creating further disconnection in my relationships, my work, and my life.  

Thankfully, with an incredible support system of loved ones, facilitators & coaches, as well as as deepening my knowledge of modalities that integrate mind & body to facilitate long-term transformation & healing, I learned some truths that helped me lean more into the transformative work of embodying my true self so I can live a more authentic (and fulfilled) life.

These reminders have been immensely helpful, and my only wish is that I would have known them sooner.

Here’s 7 things I wish I would have known sooner (and still remind myself of) about living authentically:

1. Boundaries don’t make you mean - In fact, boundaries can be a courageous act of love, not only for yourself, but for the healthy relationships in your life as well. This act of love through healthy boundaries offers clarity of expectations in work & relationships & offers space for self-care & revitalization so you can give your full best self to the healthy, live-giving relationships that you and those around you deserve. Remember: “The only people who get upset by you setting boundaries are those who benefitted from you having none.”

2. Mistakes are part of learning – In any endeavor, mistakes are a part of the process, and we can use them as learning opportunities to choose differently in the future. Mistakes don’t mean you failed – that is unless, you let the fear of making a mistake keep you from moving forward.

3. You can’t please everyone – When I find myself falling into the all too familiar pattern of people pleasing, I remind myself of the following: As much as you try to be everyone’s cup of tea, there will always be someone who prefers coffee. Don’t sacrifice your authentic self in a futile attempt to gain universal approval.

4. Accountability is courageous – Accepting responsibility for your actions and how it impacts someone else and being willing to learn from the experience to choose differently & repair takes an immense amount of courage. Not only is it courageous, but it also builds safety and trust in your relationships. (If you’re unsure as to whether accountability takes courage, tap into what happens in your mind and body next time you are called out for something you definitely did.)

5. Striving for perfection keeps you stuck - Perfection is an unattainable destination that sets you up for disappointment, and typically leads to being paralyzed by overwhelm and defeat, which keeps you from moving forward. As Winston Churchill says, “Perfection is the enemy of progress.”

6. Someone else’s opinion of you is an opinion, not fact – What someone thinks of you is their truth – not necessarily your truth, not necessarily the truth but their truth – and their truth is based solely on their perception of you, which can result from a variety of factors unique to them (and many may not even have anything to do with you).

7. Your past doesn’t define you – You are not required to be the same person you were 5 years ago, 5 months ago, even 5 seconds ago. If you have the desire to change your life, you absolutely have the power to change it.

I hope that these reminders will be as helpful to you as they have been to me. And if you’re looking for additional support on your path to living with autenticity & embodying your true self, let’s chat!