6 Signs That You’re Not Living Authentically (And How to Break Free From Them)
Authenticity is a powerful and often underestimated trait that can greatly impact our overall well-being and happiness. Living authentically means being true to yourself, embracing your values, and making choices that align with those values, along with your innermost desires and beliefs.
Unfortunately, in the pursuit of acceptance, success, or societal norms, many people inadvertently drift away from their authentic selves.
Here are 6 habits that hold you back from living authentically, and how to break free from them so you can regain your sense of self:
1. People Pleasing
One of the most common signs that you may not be living authentically is people-pleasing. Constantly seeking approval and validation from others can lead to a life built on the expectations and preferences of those around you, rather than your own. When you prioritize others' needs and desires over your own, it can be challenging to discover your true passions and values. The desire to avoid conflict or gain validation can lead to a life where decision-making is heavily influenced by the perceived wants and needs of others. True authenticity emerges when we prioritize our own values and desires over external expectations, fostering a sense of self that is genuine and resilient, even in the face of differing opinions or judgments from others.
How to break free: Start by recognizing your own needs and wants. Practice saying "no" when necessary and set boundaries that protect your time and energy. It's important to understand that you can't please everyone, and that's okay.
2. Lack of Boundaries
A lack of personal boundaries can also be a sign that you're not living authentically. When you constantly blur the lines between your needs and others' demands, it becomes difficult to maintain a sense of self and personal integrity. Lack of healthy boundaries can often be rooted in a fear of disapproval or rejection. People who struggle with setting and maintaining boundaries may worry that by asserting their own needs or limitations, they will disappoint or upset others, potentially jeopardizing their relationships or social acceptance. This fear can lead to a pattern of overextending themselves or tolerating behaviors that are uncomfortable or even harmful, all in an effort to avoid conflict or disapproval. However, it's essential to recognize that setting boundaries is not a sign of selfishness but rather an act of self-care and self-respect. Establishing clear boundaries can ultimately enhance relationships by fostering open communication and mutual understanding, while also preserving one's sense of identity and well-being.
How to break free: Establish clear and healthy boundaries in your relationships, both personal and professional. Communicate your limits and expectations openly and clearly, and don't be afraid to enforce them when necessary. Remember, setting boundaries is an act of self-care.
3. Lack of Follow-Through
Authentic living often involves pursuing your goals and dreams with determination. If you frequently start projects but struggle to see them through to completion, it may be a sign that you're not fully aligned with your passions and values. Lack of follow-through can also be a manifestation of feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. When individuals struggle with these emotions, they may find it challenging to complete tasks or pursue their goals because they believe they don't deserve success or fear they won't measure up to their own or others' expectations. This sense of inadequacy can create a self-fulfilling cycle, where the fear of not being good enough prevents them from taking action, leading to unfulfilled ambitions and reinforcing their negative self-perceptions. Overcoming this hurdle often begins with addressing these feelings of inadequacy, building self-confidence, and recognizing that everyone deserves the chance to pursue their dreams and goals, regardless of perceived shortcomings.
How to break free: Take the time to reflect on your goals and whether they truly resonate with your authentic self. Prioritize the pursuits that genuinely ignite your passion and commitment. Break your goals into smaller, manageable steps to make progress more attainable. And most importantly, remember: You are worthy, you are enough, and you deserve the chance to pursue and reach your goals.
4. Relying on Others to Define Your Worth
Relying on others to define our worth is also a sign that we are not living authentically. True authenticity is rooted in an unwavering sense of self-worth that comes from within, not from external sources. When we allow others to determine our value, we surrender our power and agency, often leading to a life that lacks fulfillment and genuine self-expression. In order to live authentically, we must recognize that our worth is inherent and independent of external validation. It requires embracing our unique qualities, strengths, and imperfections, and acknowledging that we are deserving of love, respect, and fulfillment simply because of who we are, not because of how others perceive us. Rediscovering our worth from within is a crucial step towards living an authentic and fulfilling life.
How to break free: Engage in self-reflection and self-compassion. Discover and appreciate your own strengths and unique qualities. Practice self-love and remind yourself that your worth isn't determined by the opinions of others.
5. Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a glaring sign of not living authentically, as it often stems from the relentless pursuit of an unrealistic standard rather than an honest reflection of our true selves. Striving for perfection can lead to constant stress, self-doubt, and a fear of judgment and failure, all of which hinder genuine self-expression and personal growth. Authentic living acknowledges that imperfections are a natural part of the human experience and that embracing our flaws and vulnerabilities is an essential aspect of being true to ourselves. When we release the grip of perfectionism and instead focus on progress, self-acceptance, and authenticity, we allow ourselves the freedom to live a more genuine, meaningful, and fulfilling life.
How to break free: Embrace the idea that imperfection is a part of being human. Shift your focus from perfection to progress and personal growth. Accept that mistakes and failures are valuable learning experiences that help you grow and evolve.
6. Comparing Yourself to Others
Constantly comparing yourself to others can be a sign that you're not living authentically. It's easy to lose sight of your own unique path when you're too busy measuring your success against someone else's. Authentic living requires embracing one's unique journey, strengths, and weaknesses without the distraction of external benchmarks. When we measure our worth and success against others, we inadvertently relinquish our individuality, as our choices and goals become driven by external standards rather than our own values and aspirations. Authenticity flourishes when we recognize that every person's path is distinct, and our true fulfillment lies in honoring our own passions, values, and intrinsic worth, irrespective of how it stacks up against someone else's life. Releasing the habit of comparison allows us to step into our authentic selves and lead lives that are true reflections of who we are at our core.
How to break free: Focus on your own journey and personal growth. Set your own standards and goals, and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they may seem in comparison to others. Remember that everyone's path is different.
Living authentically is a journey that requires self-awareness, self-acceptance, and the courage to make choices that align with your true self. Recognizing and becoming aware of these habits is the first step towards reclaiming your authenticity. Embrace your uniqueness, set boundaries, and prioritize your own needs and desires to live a more fulfilling and authentic life. Remember, authenticity is not about being perfect; it's about being true to yourself.
Hope this was of benefit!
- Franchesca
PS - If you related to any of the six signs above, then you'll want to join me for my FREE LIVE Virtual Event, Roadmap To Authenticity happening on September 30. Sign up here to reserve your spot.
PSS - Can't make it live? No worries! I'll be sending a replay to everyone who registers for the event via email that will be available for 48 hours after the event ends, but you must reserve your spot for the event to receive the link. (PSSS - Since this will be an interactive event, it's best to attend live, but you can still get plenty of value by watching the replay.)
Photo cred: lilartsy