Affirmations are not Enough…
If gaining confidence was as simple as repeating “I am confident” over and over, then everyone would be confident.
If you struggle with confidence, saying, ‘I am confident’ over and over won’t magically make you feel confident.
If you struggle with feeling loved, repeating, ‘I am lovable’ ad nauseum won’t magically change that either.
I’m not saying that affirmations are useless. I do believe, in the appropriate setting, affirmations can be a very useful and powerful tool.
But it’s not as simple as just repeating a phrase over and over.
It takes more than that to cultivate lasting transformative beliefs - and when we fail to consider that, tools like affirmations can do more harm than good.
A study conducted by Dr. Joanne Wood & Colleagues from the Univ. of Waterloo and Univ. of New Brunswick showed that affirmations only work for people who already have high self-esteem.
However, for those with lower self-esteem (the ones who needed them the most), affirmations not only didn’t work, but they made them feel worse. (Source: research article ‘Positive Self-Statements - Power for Some, Peril for Others’)
That’s because for affirmations to be useful, we must believe what we are saying at least a little bit – if we don’t, we will call bullsh*t on ourselves every. single. time.
But that doesn’t mean that we are resigned to live a life without confidence. (or love, or fill in the blank.)
Aside from reframing the phrasing of affirmations to make them more believable for you, there’s also a more behind the scenes, less sexy way to get affirmations to work - and that is from YOU doing the work.
Much of the magic of transformation lies in awareness; and part of that awareness isn’t just about asking yourself, ‘how can I be more confident?’, but also understanding ‘why am I not confident to begin with?’
A lot of times, that second question can be scary to explore; but with that awareness comes immense power; because once we understand the ‘why’, we then open ourselves to the ‘how’.
photo cred: Kalei De Leon