The Fruitless Pursuit In People Pleasing

No matter how hard you try to be everyone's cup of tea, there will always be people who prefer coffee.

Say it with me: It’s impossible to please everyone.

If that statement scares you, you’re not alone.

As a species, we are hardwired for connection - early humans relied on being a part of a group for survival and being alone was literally a matter of life or death.

Luckily, we have evolved as a species and we don’t have to worry about being eaten by an animal if we wander away from our group - but we do still need connection with others in order to thrive.

So, yeah - fear of rejection is a completely normal and valid emotion.

In many cases though, this fear causes us to mold ourselves into what we think will be “accepted” by the other person in order to gain approval, even if that means betraying our true selves in the process. I’ve had my own personal experience with this.

As a recovering “people pleaser”, I’ve had the tendency to adapt myself to situations in order to gain approval. I was reminded time and time again that it’s utterly impossible to please everyone, but damned if I didn’t keep trying.

But there came a time when I realized that not only was this process exhausting, but any efforts to adapt to situations in order to please everyone was futile – there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t want what you’re selling.

This realization was scary, but also quite liberating because it gave me permission to align with my authentic self rather than try to fit into some mold that perhaps I was not meant to fill.

And while this realization came with some growing pains and the letting go of some relationships and old habits, what resulted was more meaningful relationships, purpose, and a sense of peace that I hadn’t felt for most of my life.

People pleasing serves no one. Not only does it deny you the opportunity to feel the freedom that comes with living your best authentic life, but it also denies the world of seeing your true self and all you have to offer.

So, keep doing you, my friend. You got this. xo